The first step to sobriety

We all need a starting point...

Recently, I made the move from Arizona to Texas. During my 1,000 mile drive there, I reflected on how much has changed in the past few years and how I made sobriety work for my life after so many attempts that went south. That's when I realized that the changes within me were tremendously supported by the changes on the outside. I left a job that triggered my alcohol abuse, re-evaluated my relationships, moved out of my lonely apartment and in with family, the list goes on. Even though it was full of emotional turmoil, I would do it all over again. Change is guaranteed in life and embracing it was the most important step in the journey.

After reflecting on the changes that brought me to forever sobriety, I thought of three critical categories in your environment: home/work, hobbies, and people.

Home & work

When I went to rehab in 2019, I flew to San Diego expecting to come back a changed woman. I envisioned coming back an entirely different person, and even got a new haircut before my trip back to reflect what I felt on the inside. As soon as I left the facility, I felt as if the "new me" was slowly being stripped away, revealing the broken person inside and shedding the facade that I created during my stay. It seems as if a bottle of whiskey was opened as soon as I walked through my front door, and I found myself drunk within three days of being home. I felt hopeless, and as time went on, I realized that I never created a plan of success or changed anything in my environment to support my sobriety.

Your environment becomes familiar with your habits. For example, I had very specific spots in my home where I drank and hid my booze as well as triggering objects such as certain cups I would use for certain drinks. Coming home to everything being the same brought me right back to my old life. It welcomed me back to what I was familiar with.

Wiping everything away and starting over is not possible for everyone, if anyone. Changing the environments you spend most of your time in is a crucial step to sustaining sobriety. This looks different for everyone, but rearranging furniture and getting rid of triggering objects and paraphernalia around your home and work could be a great start. These are some of the steps I took in my environment:

1. I gave my beloved red "drinking chair" to a family member for their living room

2. I donated all of the mugs I regularly drank out of

3. I cut up my credit card (the bane of my existence) and tracked my spending

4. I donated any clothing that had logos and writing representing alcohol

Hobbies

As well as your physical environment, it is vital to adjust your emotional one as well. Activities that you used to engage in while drinking/using might not be something you want to keep around. For example, you might associate a certain television show or online poker with drinking. This was one of the most difficult changes to make and definitely took a lot of work, but also helped me uncover some other activities I was going overboard with.

The one activity that comes to mind that was damaging my life as well was my shopping habit. It was a compulsive need to keep spending money on things I didn't need to fill a void I did not know I had. When alcohol came into the picture, I would wake up to packages at my door step that I didn't remember ordering. This habit cost me tens of thousands of dollars and was only getting worse.

If you have a dual addiction like this, it is important to focus on one at a time. It can be overwhelming trying to rebuild a skyscraper overnight- it takes time, guidance, and support. After almost two years of sobriety, I am finally free from debt and working on a savings plan for my future. This also gave opportunity to learn about budgeting and investing. It became a new hobby that is much more beneficial to my life!

People

Cutting off toxic ties does NOT make you selfish; put yourself first for one moment. Think of every friendship or relationship you have in your life and ask yourself this question:

"Would they still be in my life if I was sober/clean?"

Many times, these people would still be in your life and be their own version of "supportive", but being sober will teach you a lot about the real definition of that word. When I first got sober, I found myself still going to the same bars with friends, going to parties I pretended weren't triggering, and even being taken advantage of as "designated driver". I took pride in being the sober one of the room and even bragged about what a great friend I was being the driver, but I didn't realize that engaging in the same activities with the same people and simply not consuming alcohol was not living a truly sober life. Over time, I missed being part of the "fun", so I relapsed within five months which led me down an even darker path. When I got sober for good, I decided putting myself first and cutting people out of my life was not selfish. It was necessary to survive and recover from an addiction that almost took my life.

Put yourself first.